Interview With A Hamburger
by BelovedSlayer
Summary: A silly one-shot involving Buffy, Angel, and his secret affair with fast food.


Title: Interview With A Hamburger

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Author: Beloved Slayer

Rating: T

Summary: A silly one-shot involving Buffy, Angel, and his secret affair with fast food.

Author's Notes: This is just a wacky concoction that my brain had developed yesterday afternoon. Normally, my stories are more of the dramatic side, but I decided to write something both serious and silly at the same time. That aside, this takes place sometime after season three but before the beginning of season four, though it is alternate universe. Happy reading!

Chapter One

In the beginning, things were going on the straight path for us. Life was good. Not perfect, but good. We both had finished college, had stable jobs, and accomplished what many of us referred to as the so-called 'American Dream.' But no one, not even friends and family, had told me that marriage down the line would become the ultimate challenge.

Even if they did, I never listened. What a big mistake that turned out to be. We had arguments, sure, but that was nothing compared to the situation that we were currently facing, that _I_ was currently facing: infidelity. No, I wasn't the one who was doing the deed.

Apparently, _he_ was. The one man that I loved more than any other in the world. The one man whom I had decided to marry when were still seniors graduating high school. The man whom I fell in love with after realizing that my constantly picking on him reflected my true feelings. When we first said our vows in front of friends, co-workers, and family, I knew that becoming the wife wasn't going to be an easy journey.

I was probably one of the few girls that didn't believe that being married would ultimately mean Prince Charming coming to save me from the horrors of everyday life. That notion, that misguided belief, had always deemed bullshit to me. Even when I had friends who heavily believed in the absurd idea.

Anyways, my suspicions about my husband started about four months into the marriage, when the phone in the living room would suddenly ring in the middle of the night, a husky female voice on the other end of the line while I quietly listened to her explaining a way to take said husband out of my life forever.

Next thing after, whenever I tried to kiss him during the time of his arrival from work, I would smell the scent of a particular women's perfume on the collar of his shirt. Chanel No.5. I gather. A perfume that I had never bought once before in our married lives because it smelled incredibly gross. Though strange as it had sounded, his collar had also reeked of ketchup.

I confronted him about it, and next thing I knew, we were arguing, to the point that he threw a rather expensive vase against the wall, shattering into pieces while I looked on in surprise. For the first time that night, I threw him out of the house. I knew in my gut that my suspicions were true. My instincts were barely wrong, not to mention that he didn't try to look me in the eye after our violent confrontation, nor did he confess.

At all.

If that wasn't fucked up, something even more so happened that took the infidelity suspicions straight out of the ballpark. One night, while I was locking up my office, a strange man in a fedora hat and long wool trench coat approached me. I noticed at first that he had a gray mustache that was slightly curled at the ends. He announced that I was the Slayer. I didn't know what the hell that meant, so I kindly asked him if he was referring to me becoming an extra member of the heavy metal band. He flat out said, "No." Instead, he described the Slayer as the "one person in all the world, chosen to battle against the forces of evil," blah blah blah.

I stopped paying attention after that until his expression turned to one of frustration. He informed me that I had the gifts that no normal human had: supernatural strength, healing, agility. I called him a liar, and because I had the nerve to say that, he decided to put me up to task by visiting the local cemetery, which happened to be among the creepiest in Sunnydale.

With a stake in hand.

I told him that I needed to go and see if my cheating husband decided to come home, since I hadn't heard from him in weeks, but the strange man wouldn't let me. Though he said in a cryptic voice that Angel was no longer walking the earth as a normal man.

I snorted and told him that Angel probably wasn't. He became more of a 'rabbit' as soon as we got ourselves hitched. Or that's what I had believed.

We entered the unlocked iron gates of the Angelus cemetery. According to the fedora man, who called himself, well, I don't remember exactly, but it started with a 'W', I think, Angel was lurking somewhere within the vicinity for some reason.

Probably with his mistress, I told the W man.

And that was when I heard the noise. It sounded much like a crinkled hamburger wrapper, the intoxicating scents of beef, pickles, and mayonnaise wafting in the air, making my stomach grumble with hunger.

"A vampire, you say?" I rose my brow at the fedora man at the time, glancing at him with a sardonic gaze. It didn't matter; I had to follow the scent, even if it was making my mouth water. So I quickly followed, turning right, then left, then making another right that led to a row of desolated tombstones and mausoleums, noticing a flickering shadow underneath a bare redwood tree. The sounds of crinkled wrapper continued to be heard, until I discovered the location of the hamburger scent.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

"You cheated behind my back with a fucking double hamburger, large chocolate milkshake, and extra fries?" I knew then that he had gone too far.

Angel's eyes widened in shame, his mouth full of fries. "I'm sorry?" he began, but I held up a hand to stop him from speaking any further.

I had finally caught him in the act, and it was not quite a happy ending. For my stomach, and for also the heartbreaking realization that he had not offered me a hamburger.

Lesson to learn for dear ol' Buffy: Don't ever underestimate the seductive powers of a hamburger.

**A/N:The only cheating Angel had done was eating greasy, yet free, fast food behind Buffy's back. Yup! **


End file.
